Dating Manual

Why can't dating come with a manual? Like boy A says this but secretly means that or when boy B says this, you respond this way. It would make things so much easier but no that's just not how it works. I feel like I have went on so many horrid little ventures with boys and its always the same. I mean seriously the male species has no originality. I hear the same lines of bull over and over again. Most of them always thinking with the wrong head. It is vair, vair annoying. Haha I'm thinking of joining a convent if the whole dating thing doesn't work out. Haha I would look good in the outfit, don't you think? Anyways long story short is dating isn't like an Austen novel and I need to realize this. Have a good day, kiddles! :)

Driving...

A tight grip on the wheel, shallow breaths, knuckles turn white. Its my first time driving on the road and I am nervous. I feel like I am going to pee my pants every time another car is near me. Who would have thought that driving would be so nerve wracking? Ahh I mean it is really scary. I can't wait until I am able to drive though. That will be the day! I am excited and I can't wait to get out on my own completely. Its so exciting being an adult. Halt before you say that it isn't that exciting at all. Let me explain myself....its exciting to be a young adult. I mean no longer are you pestered by parent's silly requests and you are your own boss. Well unless you are at work of course but you get what I mean. Thank god adulthood has finally come! :) Well later kiddles!

The Lone Ranger

Why is it that when you feel lonely that you think your ex? It is completely gross and makes my stomach churn but we all do it. I say we do it because they were the last person to give us that kind of attention and we feel vulnerable. I will admit that I feel a little impatient about being with someone today. I think its gross to feel this way because I feel that I have a certain dependency on someone loving me. Anyways it happens to the best of us. My best friend feels just as bad about this particular subject because she has been thinking about her horrible ex lately. I told her its because she saw him recently and she feels lonely right now. It doesn't mean that she likes him again but that she needs someone to fill that void and he was the last person to have feelings for her. The same thing happened to me after my crush rejected me. I began to think about my ex again but I have no romantic feelings for him. So do not sell yourself short. Its just hard to find someone. I don't know. Sorry I have been thinking about this a lot lately.

I am no Peter Pan!

So my days of childhood are narrowed down to mere days and you know what? I can't wait because I am so tired of the same old, same old. The routine of crawling out of bed and dreading seeing the same faces again that I have seen for the past 13 years. It just gets old after awhile and I am aware that will happen again but right now its like I get to start all over again. That I am being born into this new person as soon as I climb out of that ugly, purple frock and too tight hat they make us wear for graduation. I guess I like to think of my graduation clothing as a symbol of a time to grow up because the gowns are running short now and the hat is a little snug meaning that I am growing up and out of the petty high school stuff. God, at least I am not the only one of my classmates that feels akward in that daft outfit that they make us wear. Anyways I am ready to move on to the next chapter of my life. College here I come! New people, expierences, and responsibilities here I come! Which is funny to look back at one of the my earlier blogs where I refer to myself as a Peter Pan and that I am so not ready to begin my new life. Its fun to realize how much you change over just a year. Well goodbye high school, old me, and kiddles but of course I will be still writing to all of you kiddles out there. Haha I just wanted to make my ending a little snazzy and melodramatic. Well later lovelies!

Falling down the Rabbit Hole!

I always think up these brilliant commentaries on people and things I hear through out the day to tell you guys. I mean things that would appeal to your emotions making you laugh, cry, or just think. But everything is quickly forgotten with my hands on the keys and my eyes settled on the bright glow from the computer screen. Ack! Anyways moving on.... I hate when someone lets you down and I mean real low like Alice falling down the rabbit hole low. My sister has never been there for me and she frequently pops in then out of my life expecting immediate respect. I don't think so. I finally let her in a couple of years ago and she just did it to me again. Now she has decided to email me after over a year and expects that everything is okay. Now of course I am thinking not again bitch i have been your dirty, old, dollar store stepping rug for too long but do I say that. Of course not I write back to her acting completely civil and asking how the kids are because I love the kids even though I rarely get to see them anymore. :(I just act as if nothing is wrong and I have no idea why! Oh poo there goes my stupid heart failing me again. I think the stupid thing is broken. Maybe if I oil it like the tin man then I will be able to stop being so damn compassionate. Jeez! I can so relate to Holden in the Catcher in the Rye which is the book that I am currently reading. I love it! I can totally connect to the protagonist. He is sarcastic, bitter, and his thought process is totally scattered like mine. lol. Plus I don't doubt that I will eventually have a mental breakdown too. Tee Hee. Anyways I have to go get some shut eye. Nighty night my little poppets!

A childish Dream!

Bouncy, blond curls, a beautiful blue gown, and a pair of mama's old slippers to wear. Dancing on your father's feet and midnight is your curfew or your carriage turns into a pumpkin. Childish, girly dreams long pass by and now you sit in front of the TV drooling over Mathew McConaughey. Jealous of how lucky Kate Hudson was to kiss him or swoon over the romantic things he did to win her back. Girls all over the place dream of being wooed by some handsome prince. Sometimes we look in the wrong place because we want to be loved so much. I have been listening to my family's romantic problems lately and I wonder if love truly exists. On one hand I see people who are completely in love and then I see people moving from person to person avoiding themselves plus eventual loneliness.Its sad and I try to understand people like my mother who have to have someone even if he treats her like crap. Some of the significant others people choose be it man or woman are not the princes and princesses that we dreamed of when we were little. Imagination is an amazing thing but have we created so much that we no longer no what reality is anymore. Is a soul mate merely a legend like the Easter Bunny or Santa? I'm not sure love exists. Maybe its just another fairy tale that we fantasize about when we are children but then there are those lucky few that you see staring longingly into each other's eyes even after years that make you think there is something like love or that feeling that holds you loyal to your family. I'm not sure but I have been thinking about it a lot lately. Anyways later poppets!

A State of Happiness!

So I recently attended thespian's state conference and it was a blast. I made tons of new friends and had a little "showmance" as my friend likes to ccall it. Haha I enjoyed it and watched some amazing shows. But now I am home and extremely tired. I am planning the most awesome birthday present for my best friend but i can't say right out what I am going to do because she reads my blog. I can say that it is epic! There are different parts to the gift and I am mostly describing it to torture her. Anyways I am reading Invisible Man now and its disturbing, detailed description of incestual events is quite disturbing. I am not saying the style of writing is bad because I like the author's style. I'm in advisory now and have to wrap it on up. Good day, kiddles!

Oscar Wilde

I love Oscar Wilde's style of writing. If you ever have any extra time you need to read one of his books or plays. He is hilarious and quite refreshing, modern style. His stories filled with paradox, sarcasm, and irony that have you rolling. I am reading The Picture of Dorian Gray right now. I love it. He has such and interesting wit in his character's dialouge. I find Lord Henry's ideas to be quite true and really insightful. So far I feel that Dorian Gray is a spoiled brat but hey we will see. If you want to check out his plays. I reccomend An Ideal Huaband and The Importance of Being Earnest. Oscar Wilde was a literary genius. I would so marry him if he was still alive and didn't like little boys.

Reject, Refusal, Repress.

Rejection is to refuse to have, take, or recognize. Something I am very familiar with in life. I know I am not a golden child or very nice. I am sarcastic, pushy, and down right mean sometimes but I can't help it. They are defense mechanisms and its really hard to change. I have been rejected by my sister, mother, and recently the guy that I had been crushing on throughout high school. It was really hard to hear yet another person I loved/liked didn't want me. I guess I don't really blame people because I admit that I hide behind a huge wall and tend to push people away. When I realize I am getting too close I push the person away.Its something that I need to work on this year. I know this is totally cliche but I am still lost. I have know idea who I am. People are supposed to know who they are when they start life and I haven't the slightest idea. I am a nobody and if I don't try then I am doomed to be a nobody forever. Wish me luck. Heh.

Stuck in Hell!

So our schedule is screwed up because exams. I should be out of here by 12 but nooooo. They had to put eigth bell in the middle of the day and thats early dismissal. Poo! Plus we have Dragon lady aka rude sub lady watching over us and she was reading my blog! Then she had the nerve to diss blogging! Oh did I mention you can't access any good websites at this school. Ack save me! Later kiddles!

Oh, I am Slain! For it is the week of exams! Also saying goodbye to a friend.

Please save me! I will be studying my butt off this week! Especially for my AP Euro class because my grade is in dire need of a boost. Oh poo, I can not wait for this week to be over with and it has not even started yet. Though I will miss a teacher that is leaving this week. My English teacher is moving to another state. I find it funny you don't even realize how much a person has impacted your life until they leave. I was so set on hating the man because being the naive person that I was I believed the rumors. He ended up surprising me with the way he cares about his students and actually making me laugh at times. He helped me through an important time in my life and he probably doesn't even know it. Anyways, later kiddles.

I lost my area conference virginity! *that sounds wrong*

Well my school hosted area conference this year. It was not as cool as I had hoped it would be. I did learn how to do some cool make up stuff though and saw a few good performances. Lasalle High School performed a few songs from Damn Yankees and Beaver Creek performed Shakespeare Abridged which never fails at making me laugh. The 3 guys who did it were amazing and really nice. I just felt I would come from the conference with a few friends instead I felt I should do them a favor by unlodging the sticks from their asses. Anyways I can not wait for state conference. Hope its better than area! Later kiddles!

Back to Hell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so excited that I get to go back to school on Monday to start classes again, stress out until I want to off myself, and see everyone's cheery faces again. Not! Listen to nobody when they say high school is the greates expierence of your life because in al reality it sucks.I hate the people! I hate the school! I hate the homework and tests! I hate the pressure and stress! I am so glad my four years of purgatory are finally coming to an end. I hate to be cynnicalbut no wait who am I kidding I don't hate it. Anyways think of graduating high school as comparison to a prisoner getting out for good behavior but still lucky enough to be stuck with that annoying probation officer. Thats how I like to think of it! Later kiddles! Wish me luck in Hell on Monday!

Goodbye 2008!

My 2008:

-Started a blog!
-Mourned an amazing actor, Heath Ledger.
-Found a love for 21 Jumpstreet.
-Started my youtube account.
-Lost a friend and got her back in the same week.
-Raced old marimba carts.
-Went to my first concert then another.
-Watched 2 shows at the Aronoff.
-Finished my first knitting project.
-Went to Florida.
-Welcomed Spring in a Capture the Castle kind of way.
-Fell in love with...Richard Armitage. Haha I had you going there for a second.
-Went to the release party of Breaking Dawn.
-Started a dream journal.
-Joined Thespians.
-Started my senior year.
-Moved into my dad's house.
-Figured out my major.
-Decorated the house for Christmas.
-and blah blah!

Welcome 2009!

I am so happy this year has finally came. I turn 18 and leave behind the horrid expierence that people refer to as high school. I just wanted to wish every one a happy new years! Later kiddles!